Why Survivors Of Malignant Narcissists Don’t Get The Justice They Deserve; Case in point Narcissist

Why Survivors Of Malignant Narcissists Don’t Get The Justice They Deserve

 Case in point "Kimberly Colangelo"

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/why-survivors-of-malignant-narcissists-dont-get-the_us_59691504e4b06a2c8edb462e

After first paragraph of above link ; This  copy and paste- "This led to a petition known as “Shane’s Law” to propose a law that would legally protect victims from the underhanded bullying methods that narcissists often use to get away with emotionally harming their victims."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting

"Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, hoping to make them question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Using persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying, it attempts to destabilize the target and delegitimize the target's belief.^[1][2]
Instances may range from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred up to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim. The term owes its origin to the 1938 Patrick Hamilton play Gas Light and its 1940 and 1944 film adaptations. The term has been used in clinical and research literature,^[3][4] as well as in political commentary.^[5][6]"

Kimberly Colangelo is described in above court document, (listed as "Kimberly Biren" unfortunately)

This document is dated 2002, just before my trial arranged by Kimberly Colangelo...let's be more accurate....after my arrest arranged by Kimberly Colangelo named in document as Kimberly Biren who did not believe this would go to trial. Kimberly Colangelo snookered Leslie Meyer assistant prosecutor into believing things about me which Meyer took as THE TRUTH to her sorrow, She lost the case....and was found not guilty albeit received NO JUSTICE as in the above link which describes how such happens.

Copy and paste from that link... Except in parenthesis ;
1. While the abuser (Kimberly Colangelo in my tragic story) appears to be calm, charming and likeable, the victim  that he or she has psychologically abused and violated over a period of time (That would be me, as at least two therapists will tell you) may appear emotional, erratic or unhinged due to the effects of trauma. (Absolutely true and if I was not aware of these HARMS I would be more than unhinged, this stuff is vicious and sadistic as hell. The victim gets blamed over and over again)

(example of the malignant narcissist mentioned in article link) 

 Narcissists and those with antisocial traits learn from a very young age to mimic the emotions they need to fulfill their agendas; they present a very innocent, compelling false mask to the world, duping even the most experienced members of law enforcement and the court systems. This means they can show displays of empathy, remorse, and pity ploys to convince the court systems that they are the innocent party or that they acted out of intentions that were not entirely malicious.
(Kimberly is so good at this in court on the witness chair, unless she is asked a question whose answer would NAIL her to uncharged felonies.)

 Given that malignant narcissists also build harems of supporters that look up to them and enable their behavior, sometimes even going so far as to carry out their dirty work for them, it is no wonder that they are able to also rely on outside support even when they are exposed for their crimes.
(Kimberly Colangelo was motivated to be an art teacher at Waldorf School just to be able to do this . While teaching and building friends she alienated SLOWLY my son at the school from me. She found a Guy named Guy who had a wife and two children at the school,,and guess what...Guy' son was my son's best friend since PRESCHOOL. So the Malignant Narcissist or as Dr Oakley labels people like Kimberly Colangelo, "The Successful Narcissistic, Malevolent, Machiavellian SOCIOPATH"...BTW Waldorf was shown the court document on this page which describes her as a druggy, mentally ill and more yet the staff etc at Waldorf totally supported Kimberly Colangelo. I asked Waldorf how they could allow Kimberly Colangelo to work as a teacher when they knew the official documentation described her for a reason that no one would doubt the truth.....IE., the prosecutor did not want us talking about what is in that document in front of the jury, so they made it impossible for us to tell the truth...and they spelled out those truths never to be mentioned in the document inserted above. They still lost.  SORRY! I digressed from what I began with in this section. Kimberly Colangelo seduces Guy and  eventually Guy leaves his wife, takes his son, best friend of my son and moves in with Kimberly Colangelo and my son...who now has even less reason to leave his mother and best friend who his mother now calls HIS BROTHER....) 

 Even Robert Hare, the creator of the Psychopathy Checklist, admits he still gets duped by these types and is no better than any layperson at detecting these predators – and it isn’t difficult to see why. Their mask – what Dr. Stout, author of The Sociopath Next Door calls “the mask of sanity” - is quite believable unless one has been on the receiving end of the abuse. Even so, people continue to enable abusers even after slippings of this mask because they themselves lack the empathy or sufficient knowledge about covert predators required to sympathize with victims.
(THE ABOVE is critical IMO because the torture of being non-sympathized by those who believe what is not true....there are likely few torture more harsh in the civilized world)

Some of the best lawyers, detectives, assistant district attorneys, psychologists, and psychiatrists can still fail to identify a covert predator in a case if they are not knowledgeable about personality disorders. They themselves may be deceived by the deliberate malice that is often present in a highly charged case involving a narcissistic abuser and his or her victim.

A narcissistic or antisocial manipulator is likely to have a lifelong habit of evading legal charges by flirting with the law without ‘technically’ overstepping it. Or, they may have access to the best lawyers that enable them to have their charges dropped or expunged from their record after a period of time. After a certain period of time has passed, the record of their previous crimes which could give insight into their predatory patterns might already have been sealed, and their newest victims are unlikely to see their abusers held accountable, especially if the abuse is considered “nonviolent” in the eyes of the law. ( Yes, I have experienced this...this is so true!)

What makes this issue even more complex is that the most skilled manipulators can convince others of their capacity for empathy and can blend in quite well with the rest of society, without anyone knowing their true self behind the façade. Research indicates that narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths have the cognitive empathy to assess the weaknesses and emotional vulnerabilities of their victims, but that they are unhindered by the affective empathy that would enable them to feel remorse for the way their cruel actions affect others. This is what makes them even more convincing and ultimately, more ruthlessly successful in persuading others than their empathic victims.

As victims of covert manipulators become increasingly terrorized, the effects of trauma take a toll, creating what psychotherapist Christine Louis de Canonville calls “Narcissistic Victim Syndrome.” It doesn’t help that victims of domestic violence are also more likely to develop mental health and substance abuse problems – potentially aggravated and provoked by the abuser; the National Domestic Violence Hotline reveals that 89% of their callers had experienced at least one of the three types of mental health coercion, and 43% had experienced at least one of the three types of substance abuse coercion:

“Most survivors who reported their abusive partners had actively contributed to mental health difficulties or their use of substances also said their partners threatened to use the difficulties or substance use against them with important authorities, such as legal or child custody professionals, to prevent them from obtaining custody or other things that they wanted or needed.” - The National Center on Domestic Violence and the Domestic Violence Hotline

This is among the many covert tactics that abusers employ in order to depict the victim as the “crazy one.” Considering this, who do you think society is more likely to believe? The cool, calm, collected sociopath who provokes their victim to the brink of emotional instability and claims that their victims are “losing it,” or the seemingly irrational victim?

When a victim finally “reacts” maladaptively to chronic abuse, the abuser then uses those incidents against the victim, using it to “prove” the victim’s “instability” to the outside world.
(This, my reader, is KIMBERLY COLANGELO as I have experienced her.)

I’ve heard from a number of survivors who have had their abusers videotape or record their reactions to the abuse as “documentation” that their victims are the true abusers. What is missing from the picture that society sees on the surface are the years of abuse that the victim endured in silent terror.

2. Due to the strength of the traumatic and biochemical bonds they develop with their abusers, victims usually try to keep up the illusion of the perfect relationship even while abuse is happening behind closed doors – to protect the abuser and to survive the abuse.

Society then confuses the victim’s silence or skewed representation on the matter as an indication that the abuse they went through was not valid, when in fact, their silence and rationalization of the abuse were actually symptoms of the traumas they’ve been subjected to. In actuality, these were the same defense mechanisms they developed in order to survive the abuse.

It comes to a surprise to their loved ones and society when victims of covert emotional violence finally admit to the truth of the abuse, at which point, they might not seem credible to outsiders. Due to the trauma bond they develop with their abusers during the abuse cycle (a bond created through intense emotional experiences), victims may also attempt to try to protect their abusers from the repercussions of their actions. They may even go so far as to pleading for criminal charges against their abusers to be dropped or lessened, or failing to report incidents of stalking, harassment or physical abuse at all.

Society needs to understand that abuse has complex effects on the survivor and that the bond a survivor develops with his or her abuser, as well as a fear of retaliation, can sometimes prevent them from coming forward. That doesn’t mean that the survivor in question is exaggerating the abuse he or she went through when he or she finally comes clean – in fact, it may be that they are finally coming to terms with the truth for the first time.

Lawyers, judges, police officers as well as friends and family members need to take note that asking a survivor why he or she stayed so long, or insinuating that the abuse wasn’t truly “violent” because it was emotional abuse can be retraumatizing and incredibly invalidating. The legal system also needs to understand why victims may sometimes go back to their abusers; stalking and harassing behavior is common after the ending of a relationship with a malignant narcissist, especially if the victim happened to “discard” the narcissist first.

This is also known as “hoovering” and it includes any and all attempts the abusive partner uses to reestablish contact with their former victims. Many victims are unfortunately “hoovered” back into the relationship, only to experience an even more horrific discard or more intense trauma than before. The bond between abuser and victim is difficult to break, but that does not make the abuse any less legitimate.

The trauma of chronic psychological warfare has long-term effects on the brain and diminishes a survivor’s sense of self-worth and reality; it doesn’t help that the abuser also works very hard to keep the victim in their place and gaslights them into believing that what they are experiencing isn’t real. It takes a great deal of courage for a survivor to come forward, so the focus and emphasis should not be on the actions of the traumatized victim, but rather the actions of their perpetrators.

3. Society believes in the myth of “mutual abuse” and the idea that there is “two sides to every story.”

Time and time again, we are fed the myth that survivors somehow contributed to the abuse or that the abusive behavior was somehow part of a dysfunctional relationship where both parties were to blame.

Let’s get this straight: abuse arises from a power imbalance where the abuser is able to diminish the victim’s sense of self-worth, subjecting them to name-calling, stonewalling, put-downs, sabotage and control for a period of time. A victim’s eventual reactions to these tactics, while they can be maladaptive, should never be seen as “mutual abuse” – the National Domestic Violence Hotline dispels the common myth that it takes “two to tango.”

In addition, law enforcement, the courts and society would do well to remember that in an abusive relationship, there is no such thing as a “bad break-up” or successful co-parenting. In an abusive relationship such as this one, the break up is either usually staged by the abuser to maximize his or her cruelty in the shortest amount of time, is part of an abusive tactic in itself known as the “discard” phase, and the abuser rarely leaves the victim alone even if he or she does break up with the victim. In the cases where victims leave their abusers first, it is common for abusers to retaliate in ways that retraumatize their victims – from stalking and harassing them to threatening to release their personal information and/or staging a smear campaign.

The narcissistic or sociopathic parent has no interest in compromise nor in responsible child-rearing. They simply want to “win” in court, save face and regain control over their victims. Children are often used as pawns by the abusive spouse to smear, humiliate and demean the victim. Abusive spouses may not genuinely care about their children to the extent that they portray in court – they may put on an act as father or mother of the year simply to regain control over the victim.

While the justice system has a long way to go to sufficiently protect victims of covert emotional violence, it is inspiring to see survivors come out and share their stories, as well as the growing number of therapists, coaches and advocates who are now recognizing the impact of this type of abuse. In 2016, the first ever Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day was held in honor of victims and survivors of this form of covert abuse. As we continue to spread awareness about the methods these predators use, the dream of justice comes closer to becoming a lived reality.